It doesn’t matter if you’ve just turned eighteen or you’re creeping through middle-age or a couple that is experimenting with sex toys, no one man wants his sex toys discovered by a snoopy mother or curious friend. Or maybe you’ve already been down that path, and are doing everything you can to avoid the same awkwardness of explaining to your niece who was rifling through your drawers exactly what it is that she’s holding. So, in hopes of saving you a holiday conversation you just really don’t want to have, here are a few tried and true locations where you can stash your sex toys and put the fear of discovery at ease.
HIDDEN SEX TOY LOCATION NUMBER 1:
Please, for the love of god, skip the nightstand. Sure, keep the bottle of lube in there, but when it comes to more private items, don’t cram them next to your loose change and old Iphone charger. Hidden sex toys should be in places where they’re truly _hidden. _If you have a bathroom that connects to your bedroom, do yourself a favor and buy a nice leather travel bag that’s designed to hold a shaving kit. Now, stick your sex toys in there (if they can fit) and tuck that behind the extra toilet paper and hand towels already in your bathroom cupboard. No one thinks twice about seeing a man’s shaving gear in his bathroom, and your hidden sex toys will be your own, nicely kept secret. And as an added bonus, you’re close to sink to rinse those toys off if things get a bit messy.
HIDDEN SEX TOY LOCATION NUMBER 2:
Maybe the bathroom isn’t an option, that’s okay. I have a few others that just may work. Do you know what happens if, for some reason, someone looks under your bed? They naturally gravitate to whatever seems like it would be the most interesting to poke about in. So, skip the idea of putting anything in a box that looks like it may hold old cards or love letters, and go straight for a basic, well used gym bag. And if your toys are small enough, keep them in the leather shaving travel kit mentioned above then plop them straight into that bag. Not only does this location have the benefit of being well protected, but those hidden sex toys are easy to grab in the middle of steamy moment.
HIDDEN SEX TOY LOCATION NUMBER 3:
We skipped the night stand, and we’re going to skip the dresser, too. Here’s why: there’s plenty of old t-shirts and jeans crammed into your dresser, right? You don’t want to take up real estate in those drawers for a less than creative hiding location. And, if you’re in a situation where you live at home and are lucky enough to have a parent putting clothes away for you, you really don’t want to show your appreciation by allowing them to discover what you have on hand for those _private _moments.
Introducing location number three: your car. Now, this one is the least convenient, but probably the best if you’re worried about people who live in your house being too curious for comfort. I recommend using that same old gym bag from under your bed, then load up all the items that you consider part of your sex toy regimen, and throw them in the trunk of your car. This also doubles as a great cover in case those are somehow found, and for whatever reason you really _really _don’t want the fact that they’re yours as public knowledge. If someone decides to rifle through your car and happens upon _then opens_ that bag, well, you can fall back on, “Holy shit, how funny! I stopped by my friends and grabbed a gym bag thinking it was mine, but God, how awkward. Should I tell (insert friends name here) that I found their sex toys?” This won’t completely fool most people, but it’s probably enough that they’ll convince _themselves_ they’re fooled and you can sidestep yourself out of that uncomfortable crisis.
And finally, even if your hidden sex toys are found, don’t let yourself forget that sex is part of life: we’re all allowed to orgasm using whatever toys we want.